Stories from "The Next Step" - The Next Door Transition Ceremony
These are the stories of the transformed lives of five courageous women who recently completed The Next Door's six-month Residential Transition Program. We celebrated their accomplishments in our Transition Ceremony at West End Community Church in Nashville on July 18, 2010. Celebrate their success with us as you read their "graduation" speeches . . .
Erica - "Don't give up and don't give in"
Before, when someone was called an addict, I thought of someone on the streets with needles in their arm…like in the movies. I never considered myself an addict. In 2006, I had graduated from college and was working for asthma and allergy doctors. I had just gotten married and was raising my three kids. We had a nice house and nice cars…we had everything. I loved my job…I loved helping our patients…finding out what was wrong with them and trying to get them feeling better. It was a fast-paced office. You had to be on your toes and always ready for an emergency.
What became my addiction started out small. I was getting pain medicine from doctors, dentists and bouncing from one emergency room to another. I liked the way one pill made me feel. I felt like superwoman….I had so much energy. I felt like the best assistant my doctors had seen. I was the fastest. I was able to get patients in and out in a flash. After working there a year, I started calling in my own pain medicine. It was O.K. because I was so busy with work and at home that I didn’t have time to go have a doctor write me a prescription. I was just skipping the middle man. And it was O.K. because pain pills weren’t illegal…so I took them to help me work and be the best wife and mother ever. My house was spotless. Supper was always cooked and the kids’ homework was always done. Everything was wonderful. My husband had the best wife…whatever he needed, I got it for him. I was the best mom there was…a little discipline, but no big deal. What more could you want?
Today, I realize that was all a delusion, thanks to The Next Door. Coming here made me come out of my fairytale. It was all a lie. My one pill grew to 30 pills a day. I was missing work, calling in all the time because I would take too many pills and start vomiting. They finally fired me after I left work early because I was sick from taking too many pills. At home, it wasn’t any better. If the kids had clean clothes for school, they were lucky. The house was a mess and I stayed in bed. Six months later, I had called in prescriptions in my name, my husband’s name, and my kids’ names at every pharmacy chain in town. I was caught at Walgreens and that was the first time I went to jail. But that didn’t’ stop me…I kept on. I was taking 60 to 80 pills on a daily basis.
When I was arrested the last time, I was gone. We lost the house and the cars. I spent every penny we had. Instead of buying groceries, I was buying pills. Sometimes the only meals my kids got were at school…and on weekends, they only had crackers and chips. I was the worst mom ever. The best thing I did was send my kids to stay with their dad in Texas. The pills had won and taken over. I knew I needed help and wanted help, but didn’t know how to get it. My attorney offered me drug court and they sent to treatment that same day. After being in the program for two months, I violated drug court by having contact with my husband.
While sitting in jail, I heard of The Next Door. I did not want to go. It was so far away from home and I would have to be by myself. But that was my offer or go to prison for twelve years. So I chose to come here… do my six months…get it over with…and go home. I wanted to fight it every step of the way. I thought there’s no way I would benefit from being here, this was punishment. I remember going to my first transition ceremony and hearing the ladies' speeches and wondering what mine would be like. I remember sitting where you are, thinking I will have to lie and make something up for my speech. I still thought this was my punishment.
I believe it took three months before I realized The Next Door had saved my life and why God had placed me in this wonderful place. I was finally seeing it from the outside looking in. He’s an “on-time” God, He may not be there when you want Him, but He’ll be there right on time. I started seeing myself grow more and more each day, coming out of my shell. This was the first time I’ve lived by myself, supported myself and even found a job by myself. This was all because of The Next Door. Today, I am not that scared little girl, addicted to pills and with nine charges. I am a strong, independent, grateful recovering addict, a child of God and beautiful woman. I slip from time to time, but that is O.K. because I now have the tools to pick myself up and go on. I know now if I don’t like the situation I’m in, I can voice it. I don’t have to be scared of the world. I thank God everyday for giving me a chance to start over with my kids and husband.
To the ladies of The Next Door, hold you head up high. Don’t let anybody tell you your nothing. Each and every one of you is wonderful and deserves the best. I leave you with a song that has helped me get through rough times. It goes like this:
“What do you do when you have done all you can and seems like it’s never enough? And what do you say when your friends turn away and you're all alone? What do you give when you’ve given your all and seems like you can’t make it through? How do you handle the guilt of your past and how do you deal with the same? And how can you smile when you heart has been broken filled with pain?
“You just stand. God had a purpose and a plan.Stand through the storms and through the pain and the hurt. Don’t give up and don’t give in. Hold on and be strong, God will step in. After you’ve done all you can…Just stand!”
Kanette - "Today I am whole"
My name is Kanette and I can now say as I stand before you that I was not only headed to prison but worse, to my grave. But by the Grace of God, The Next Door and the sheer determination of Ms. Ramie, I can tell you today I am whole.
As a child I had structure from my mother who was a single parent of 4 girls - one severely handicapped. Hats off to you, Mom. My father was in prison from the time I was 11 months old till his death when I was 13 years old. But I know without a doubt, though he was so many miles away, I was still daddy’s girl. When my father was killed in a gang fight in prison it absolutely devastated me beyond belief. But, today I can’t find words strong enough or deep enough to describe what an outstanding mother I have. She is my strength, my rock, my back bone and my heart.
Although I have the best of moms, my father’s death not only sent me spiraling downhill but into a pit of trouble. I started looking for attention and affection in the wrong places…especially from men who were not healthy for me. I had no stipulations, I just needed to belong. I ended up getting pregnant at an early age. I then got into the business of shoplifting. I not only got high off of drugs but also I was getting high off the easy money which in the end would wind up getting me in jail having been caught on one charge after another.
And later… I got introduced to The Next Door. Before Miss Ramie, no one was able to tell me anything, not even my mother. I took offense to it besides no one was going to tell me how to run my life. I thank God for all the stress sweat and tears she experienced in breaking through to me. Today I can tell you that not only do I value her opinion I also seek her advice.
Today I have a strong sense of self-worth. I went from shoplifting to working a full-time job at Chipotle. Thank you Shaw! From ripping and running the streets to spending all my spare time at recovery meetings and with my family. From not caring about what anyone thinks to respecting their opinion, whether I agree with it or not. And more than that I can now say I have accomplished something in my life as oppose to experiencing failure. From here, I will continue working…and I will apply to and attend hair school….and I will go home and be the best mom I can be to my three girls.
Tammy - "I found love, respect and a new way of life"
My name is Tammy. I am 45 years old. There are several different chapters in my story, but briefly I can tell you I started my addiction about 15 years ago when I was about 30. The man I married and had my only child with was killed in a car accident. A few months later, I had a car accident that caused serious injuries. Before these incidents I had been the perfect wife and mother…Attending all school functions, cooking supper every night, cleaning house, working, paying bills. Then I became an irresponsible, non-caring, reckless, destructive full blown meth addict. As a meth addict, I had no goals, no cares and no path in life… I was selfish, self centered and cared about no one except myself. The drugs had completely re-wired my thinking in just a matter of months… and now, here I am 15 years later, having spent six of those years in prison.
I finally decided I had to change and wanted to change that way of life . So for the first time I have committed to myself and my family to getting some help, to getting clean and staying clean. I want my family back…I want to be part of my daughter and grandson’s lives!
When I got to The Next Door I was beat down…Spiritually, emotionally and physically. My life had become nothing more than a nightmare that would not end. I actually started believing I had died and gone to hell…prison, strung out, dope sick, miserable, depressed, lonely, jail, wrecks, hospitals. The final outcome was always the same. The guilt and shame were slowly killing me.It was like I was fighting toe to toe against the devil. It was complete insanity!
Over and over…binge after binge…violation after violation…I could not stop the vicious cycle surrounding my life. It seemed like the harder I tried to change the circumstances the worse they got! So, from the help of God, The Next Door program, Ms. Ramie, Teresa, Ciara…and all of you…my daughter, my son-in-law , and my beautiful grandson, I have managed to shake off my past and I’ve started rebuilding my life again.
I am so grateful to all of you because I could not have done this on my own…no words could express my gratitude. The day I got out of jail in August of last year, after doing 45 days, I heard the worse news ever…my mother had passed away. It was the most dreaded day of my life. My heart was broken. I had lived with her throughout my addiction and we had become not only mother and daughter, but best friends. I knew if I didn’t find some kind of hope to hold on to that death was just a matter of time. My daughter opened up her arms and offered me hope. I realize now she had always been there for me and us…but I hadn’t.
So 10 days after burying my mother I called and left a voice mail with my Parole Officer to inform her of mama’s passing and that I was an emotional wreck. I also told her I wanted to transfer to my daughters and I wanted to go to The Next Door for help. She never returned my call, so a few days later I called her again just to be informed that she’d already violated me for the second time in a year for not calling within 48 hours of getting out of jail.
I thought my heart could not possible take any more pain and I found myself in a state of an emotional breakdown. I wanted to die. I would go back to jail for three more months before getting to The Next Door. When I arrived at The Next Door I had nothing but the clothes on my back…a set of orange pants and top, orange flip flops, and hand cuffs…and I had to return those clothes to the Benton County Police Department before they left! Amanda, a staff person at The Next Door helped me find clothes so Benton County could be on their way. There I was…a wretched mess looking hideous!
It was then I found love, respect, a new way of life and enough encouragement to get out there and find two part time jobs. It took me a couple of months, but with Catherine and Rachel pushing me I found enough motivation and determination till I finally scored. I worked at Sweets from Heaven in Opry Mills Mall until the flood hit in May and I am still currently working for Eastland Construction out of Mount Juliet cleaning offices. I found out shortly after the flood that my disability had gone through because of injuries resulting from past car wrecks. My boss from Sweets from Heaven is moving to another mall where I will have a job waiting soon. I plan to keep working as much as I can while I get some long past due medical issues addressed.
God is working in my life. Things could not be going any better for me. My daughter and I are rebuilding our relationship on a daily basis now and I am so proud of my grandson. They are my life and I’m part of it again! I decided I would not go back to my hometown to live. I’ve broken all ties there. I wish my mom could be here right now to witness my recovery but I know she’s here watching!! So I want to dedicate my recovery and new way of life to my mother Lola Mae. You can rest in peace now.
Laura - "The Next Door helped me find myself again"
What my life was like before I came to The Next Door- very unbalanced. I was lost in a world of pure hell. That hell consisted of depression and the use of alcohol which had control over me. I lost myself…my faith. I became unscrupulous. I was living in a way that I wasn’t raised in. And as each day passed it got worse. I became an unbridled spirit-I lost God.
I became an alcoholic at the age 10 years old. Not in the drinking aspect of it, but the mental. See my father is an alcoholic too and he used to abuse me, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. He also abused my mother and I used to witness it all. When you are a child, everything you see, hear, witness is impressionable in your world and life. Years later my mother divorced my father, and my relationship with my father just spiraled downward. All I wanted from him was his love and acceptance, that I was his daughter or child. I am not my sister nor my brother but my own individual. After my parents’ divorce I was in and out of therapy for years. I rebelled and started drinking and smoking marijuana…did a valium every so often.
At 20 I was in college and running the bar scenes. I was drinking every weekend in bars and with bands, forgetting who I was and my purpose in life. And then my worst nightmare came true…I had molded myself into my father with his actions while I drank. I was “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.” I got into trouble, and went to jail on all alcohol charges. From there I went to a few 21 day, 28 day treatment programs even some IOP, and attending therapy too.
November 2001, I went home to mother. I needed her spirit and words of wisdom. My mother is not just a mom to me; she is also my best friend. And I value her opinion and I trust her judgment and advice. I did not care…my life was over…a failed marriage, believing everything was my fault. Beaten emotionally, no self respect, no self esteem, and no spirit. A lost soul in a cruel world all alone with no way out just alcohol. Of course I went to jail and then to a 28 day treatment facility. On March 29th, 2002 my sister’s eldest son and the light of my life was killed in an automobile accident. That was the day my world stood still. After that day in my life I started drinking daily at noon, I didn’t need a reason to drink. I drank.
For 2 years, I got 24 Alcohol Intoxication charges, 5 hours in jail, and $209.00 ticket for each charge. On November 4, 2008 I was walking from Walgreens to my house and I got a DUI. The police red flagged me and this time did not look good. I went to treatments again and pled guilty to a DUI charge (3rd) 60 days in jail. Then the judge gave me 284 days. I was lost for words, I was lost period.
While incarcerated, I received some literature on The Next Door. And I started reading about it and what stuck out to me every time was core values; faith, hope, wholeness, community, respect, and encouragement. August 8, 2009 Kristy Pomeroy and I spoke and I was accepted over the phone. The Judge kept denying me to go but that did not stop my determination. I was writing God daily, asking him to please help me get to TND. 189 Days later on December 30th I was arriving at TND. It was destiny for me to come to The Next Door. Everything has a reason for happening they say.
Since coming to The Next Door I have found myself, Laura Leigh, thanks to Ramie. I have also come to terms with my grief. I am now happy in my skin. The lion is sleeping finally. I am able to cope with life on life’s terms and I found God again. He never left me, I left him and he forgives me for all my sins and stands with me.
Now that I’m sober, I am able to think before I react. I now have control instead of the alcohol. I am able to cope with my anxiety. I have learned skills to do this instead of turning to alcohol. I have realized that I’m not alone. They are many women who have the same disease that I do. We are able to change our lives with the The Next Door’s guidance. I am so grateful to this program TND. It has saved my life and helped me grow. I became humble and having acceptance of life. I forgot who I am in this old world, TND helped me find my inner spirit, heart and love again. To you and God I am forever grateful. Thank you!!!
I am currently employed at the Leah Rose. I’m active at working on my sobriety, regaining the trust and love of my family, and giving back to the community. I will stay in Nashville to continue the journey of my sobriety.
Patricia - "Thank God for Change"
My name is Patricia. Before coming to The Next Door, my life was a mess. I was in and out of jail…using drugs…I didn’t love myself or anyone else. On July 23, 2009, the last time I was arrested, I finally knew it was time for a change. I was tired of my life running the streets, not being there for my kids or my family…selling myself short. I asked God to help me. I got on my knees and prayed. It was time to let go and let God.
I had heard about The Next Door from different people. I stayed in jail 90 days, got in touch with The Next Door, and they sent Ms. Allison out to talk to me. She encouraged me. She made me feel good about myself and told me my life could be better and that The Next Door would be the place for me.I was scared at first but excited when I got my letter that I was accepted. I knew my life had changed. I came here on November 10, 2009. I will never forget. Kristy picked me up from the jail. I was scared not knowing what would happen with me, but I knew I was ready for a change.
Since I have been here, I have been blessed. They have taught me so much about myself…how to love myself….how to respect myself…how to hold a job. How to set goals and boundaries…what to do in case I want to use.
Today I am proud that I have a job. Thanks to my boss-man, Gino, who believes in me and Martez, who helps me on my job to be the best. Today I am proud of the person I have become. I am focused…determined…responsible…hard working…and sober.Today I set goals and I accomplish them. I never start things without finishing them. My future plans are to remain independent…live on my own…keep my good job and work hard to become a manager at Chipotle…and to maintain a healthy relationship with my family…and to keep God first.
Also, The Next Door has taught me that I am capable of offering encouragement to my peers in the community. I can promote wholeness in myself and others. I now have respect for myself and the hope and faith that God will bring me through anything.
Thanks to the staff, my sponsor, my family, who never stopped praying for me. Y’all knew I could do this. Y’all never turned your back on me. Thanks to my many friends. Before I take my seat today, I want to say…Thank God for Change.
